Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.  
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.  

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.  

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice" ? 

When you open a bag of cotton balls...are you supposed to remove the one on top?  

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?  

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?  

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?  

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?  

If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?  

Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?  
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 

Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?  

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?  


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